Pastoral Care
Community is one of the ways we as Unitarian Universalists experience that which is larger than we are, the “more,” the part that can hold us when we need something beyond our own resources. Through our efforts to care for one another as a congregational community, we allow ourselves to grow and we do this as people of faith. Religion means “to bind together” and it is through our caring for one another that we are bound together through the inevitable hills and valleys of life.
A goal of my ministry has to help build strong systems of care which ensure that people can have response when they need it and also that members and friends have many ways to volunteer to help one another.
I have a strong memory of serving on the Committee on Ministry at the Eno River Unitarian Universalist Church. One of my fellow committee members was perplexed when the minister would talk of the use of his time for pastoral care. This man could not conceive of what anyone would seek care from the congregation. A few years later, I was in a position to receive care from my minister, the Rev. Arvid Straube. Though I had been a super-volunteer donating time and wisdom to the congregation, I was reduced to feeling awkward and a little gawky when I needed to turn to my minister for help. When I just allowed myself to tell him what I needed to say, we were both relieved and I had a deep lesson on the importance of being heard.
As a minister, I have had the privilege of standing with individuals, partners, and famiies as they mark the passages of life. I have walked with those facing death and then walked with their loved ones through the long and arduous journey of grief. I have supported the creation of space for caregivers and for those with chronic mental illness to meet together.
To craft rituals and ceremonies marking the passages of life is to share in the task of naming and welcoming our most profound spiritual and emotional experiences. I seek to empower those whose experience the ceremony to express what they believe and what the occasion means to them. Standing with people as they are most aware of life’s richest joys ad most harrowing sorrows and mysteries is an experience of standing on holy ground and in sacred time. So many of ministry’s most powerful moments come in these more personal exchanges.
Rites of Passage: Through child dedications, coming of age and through celebrations of life, we honor the rich diversity of people and their evolving challenges as growing people.
When we welcome new members as part of a service, we are recognizing the deep commitment they have made. When we recognize our Coming of Age youth, we are saying that we value them and show that with our attention.
When we offer a Child Welcoming ceremony, we are dedicating ourselves to the lives of that child and to being part of the “village” it will take to raise that child. We do not need to “bless” the child because in our theology, we believe that people are born blessed. Instead we celebrate the miracle that is every child and the valor that marks every parent. You can see a sample child dedication here.
Accompanying a couple through the formalized recognition of their commitment is a great joy. I have had the pleasure to marry couples of all ages and many races and to do so after planning for years and on a few hours’ notice. Celebrating a marriage has become a more holy act since it became legal in California to recognize same-sex marriages as well. To share a conversation with a couple about their journey together and then to be with them as they walk through the questions to craft a unique and memorable ceremony is a gift. A sample marriage service is here.
During my time at both the congregations I have served, we have lost a large number of people and this has given me a deep appreciation of the healing power of a Celebration of Life or Memorial Service. Repeatedly people have taken me aside to tell me that the service was the most moving they had ever attended. In particular, it is a time to help provide a gentle guidance while letting those who most know the person allow the spirit of the dead to shine through. An program for a celebration of life is found here.
Pastoral Visitors: During my internship year at First Unitarian Church of Richmond, VA, I was fortunate to be able to be part of a new pastoral associates program and took that learning to create the Pastoral Visitors program which has now been implemented at the Thomas Jefferson Memorial Church-Unitarian Universalist and the Mt. Diablo Unitarian Universalist Church. Dozens of people have been listened into their own truth through this structured program which ensures that listeners are trained, free from advice giving and supported by one another.
Affinity and Support Groups: One of my favorite parts of ministry is the when I can connect two or more people who have had a shared experience. At MDUUC, much of this mutual sharing and support occurs every week. We adopted a policy to make our congregational accessible to 12-step programs and also have supported the development of various groups when it is clear that people can support one another. These groups sometimes run their course –and offer invaluable companionship at critical time. Whether it is providing a meeting place for people undertaking the arduous work of caregiving, teens in need of a grief group attuned to their rhythms, a safe space for women or for people with chronic mental illness, the congregation becomes a place where people can learn and grow together.
